i decided to waste some time on a re-draw of this Mike Deodato drawing from the Eschergirls tumblr:
here is three reasons why the above image is unsuccessful:
1. the point of this splash page is to show what a hot babe goddess this chick is and only succeeds to nightmares about snake women with rock hard nipples
2 “ANGEL SORAYAMA” (lmao, what the fuck) does not look Asian by any indication whatsoever.
3. EVERYTHING ELSE, GOD DAMN
You know, it’s not just because the anatomical issues are fixed that I love this redraw. I know it’s meant half as parody, but you do a much much much better job of conveying the scene.
Even in just inks, it’s obvious that she’s wet and toweling off. The water is in places that makes sense, and her clothes and hair look properly soaked. Even in black and white her jeans look wet, and in the original it was just that weird white goo hanging off of them.
By having her completely face us, we still get a shot of her breasts peaking through her soaked shirt, but it makes SENSE rather than the weird snake thing we got, and that’s because you chose ONE idea of sexy to show rather than trying to do a whole bunch at once (I wanna show BUTT and BOOBS and the arch of her spine from the side! etc etc).
Also, the more one tries to exaggerate hotness, at some point, it starts getting less and less hot. She looks very attractive there, but if you exaggerate the breasts into balloon breasts, get rid of any room for organs, make her legs twice the height of her body, etc etc, you get “wtf is that” not “oh my god, a goddess.”
And finally, by having her face away, you have a good shot of her face and ability to convey the scene through expression, which you did an EXCELLENT job of. She’s looking back at him, and there’s definitely interaction between the two happening. It also looks much more natural, like this is just a really attractive woman toweling off, rather than participating in a photo shoot where she’s pretending to towel off.
I know, I usually don’t write this much, but I thought this was an amazing redraw and a really good opportunity to point out that it’s not just “oh my god anatomy” but also that often focusing all about making a sexy pin up that shows as much butt, curved spine, boobs, legs, etc as possible, really hurts telling a story and conveying the scene in one panel, and that’s what you did excellently. You don’t need to know the context or even read the dialogue to get some sense of what’s happening in this single panel that you redrew.
Even the change in expression with the guy tells the scene much better. He looks genuinely stunned at her beauty and that a beautiful woman would happen to have found refuge at his house. And yeah, he looks like he’s staring with barely the ability to speak words. In the original he looks kinda perplexed, maybe even a little amused in his confusion. Mind you, I would be perplexed if I was looking at the original girl too.